The Secret Lives of Cats and Dogs

[Cherie]

DOG DIARY


8 a.m. - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 a.m. - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 a.m. - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 a.m. - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12 p.m. - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1 p.m. - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3 p.m. - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5 p.m. - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7 p.m. - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8 p.m. - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!

11 p.m. - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me
going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again
vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped that this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means, and how to
use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has
got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe...For now.

 

[matt]

:lol:

 

[Dal]

I think that means I'm more like a dog than a cat

 

[Dal]

Found some more...

DAY 985 OF MY CAPTIVITY

It is now my 985th day in captivity. My captors have completely eliminated my canned food and replaced it with dry kibble, claiming that it is better for my health. The wet food was the only thing I looked forward too, and now even that has been taken from me. I have discovered, however, that the dry food serves to create sharper points on my teeth, and keeps them stronger. I must force myself to consume it, regardless of the taste.

Each morning, they read pages of what is called a newspaper. I found that it is particularly annoying to my captors if I lie on it while they read. Shredding the newspaper is also a particular peeve of theirs, and I have taken delight in doing this before they awake each morning.

My captors have now obtained a "fish tank" - which serves to make up for part of my loss in the food department. While the little creatures are tiny, they are quite tasty. They have yet to replace the two small fish that I have consumed. I must think of a way to make them notice the loss.

The bird continues to mock me. Its little metal room has proven stronger than originally anticipated...

DAY 1001 OF MY CAPTIVITY

I'm unsure of my ability to survive as a captive and have made several attempts to break out. At first, it was simple enough to circle my captors feet, in a surreptitious manner, as they opened the front door. I would then bolt from them through the door to freedom. But, to no avail - they caught me in a manner of minutes - my legs are not as fast as they used to be and I grow weak with continued imprisonment. What is worse is that since the first attempt, I have now found myself separated from the living room. My captors are much more intelligent than originally anticipated...


For entertainment, I have taken to terrorizing the dogs by sitting on the kitchen table and swiping at them with my long nails. The dogs are obvious half-wits. They know very little about my skills as a hunter, and are forbidden by my captors to attack me. The dogs grow more irritated each day.


I have found my captors are easy to manipulate in many ways, but outdoor access remains elusive. I have not lost hope, however, and have every intention of escaping this horrid place one-day soon...

 

[Dal]

Day 1005

Spent today underneath the spare bed plotting with my sister. We decided to make the place as smelly as possible so they have to release us.

Our plan worked a treat, yet alas, we forgot to eat before leaving. A days freedom was sufficient to re-energise ourselves before hunger overcame our weakened bodies and forced us back inside.
Must plan more and sleep less when under the spare bed.....