Hole in one.

[Jasper]

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: Glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'

'Uh...yeah, sir.. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'

'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'

'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses.. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. 'I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.

' NO SHIT.' He said, 'Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?'

 

[Dal]

:funny:

Good one

 

[Jasper]

Another shamelessly stolen from the second best forum.


Little Johnny is the brightest kid in his class, and finishes way ahead of all the other kids during a math's test.

To stop him from disturbing any of the other children the teacher says "Johnny, you are so clever that I'm going to ask you an extra question.

There are five birds are on a wall. You're armed with a shotgun and you shoot one of them. How many are left?"

"None." says Johnny.
"What do you mean, none?" says the teacher.
"Well, one falls dead, and the others fly away because of the noise."
explains Johnny.

"Ahhh, well done Johnny. I would have said four, but I like the way you're thinking." answers the teacher.

Twenty minutes later, Johnny raises his hand.
"Miss! Miss!"
"Yes, Johnny?"

"Now, can I ask you a question?"
"Please do."

"Miss, three girls are standing next to an ice-cream van, and they've all got ice-cream. One is licking it, the one is biting it, and one is sucking it.
Which one is married?

The teacher looks a bit embarrassed and says: "Err, hum, I don't know Johnny. The one who, er...is sucking it?"

"No, Miss!" says Johnny "The one with a ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

 

[Dal]

Good ol' Johnny