catlover66
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worth a smile ;p
Mick's di'stink'ly average joke thread... :)
- Thread starter mix2000
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mix2000
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Two cows standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
quest63
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:grin:
mix2000
Active member
Delighted to be of service...Sparx said:
A man walks into a bookshop and says "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology."
Someone told me flowers had sex organs....POPPYCOCK!
A Kerry farmer's dog goes missing and he is inconsolable.
His wife says to him, "why don't you put an ad in the paper to get him back".
The farmer does this, but after two weeks, no phone calls, the dog is still missing.
"What did you write in the advert?" asked his wife.
"Here boy," said the farmer.
quest63
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:grin: :grin: :grin:
mix2000
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A woman took an inexperienced man home one night.
When they got to her apartment, she suggested that they try a 69.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
Not knowing quite how to explain, she said, “You put your head between my legs and I’ll put my head between your legs” Still unsure but willing, he agreed. As soon as he got his head between her legs, she let out a rip roaring fart.
“What the hell was that?!! he asked.
“OOPS! I’m so, so, sorry! Let’s try again”, she said.
On the second attempt, the exact same thing happened.
He immediately got up and started getting dressed.
“Where are you going?” she asked, to which he replied…
“If you think I’m sticking around for 67 more of those, you’re feckin crazy!"....
When they got to her apartment, she suggested that they try a 69.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
Not knowing quite how to explain, she said, “You put your head between my legs and I’ll put my head between your legs” Still unsure but willing, he agreed. As soon as he got his head between her legs, she let out a rip roaring fart.
“What the hell was that?!! he asked.
“OOPS! I’m so, so, sorry! Let’s try again”, she said.
On the second attempt, the exact same thing happened.
He immediately got up and started getting dressed.
“Where are you going?” she asked, to which he replied…
“If you think I’m sticking around for 67 more of those, you’re feckin crazy!"....
Puma Babe
Active member
I think that one isn't even worthy of catlover66's crap joke thread
mix2000
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quest63
Active member
to
mix2000
Active member
How things have changed...
My Mum could send me to the shop and I'd get a pound of sausages, six oranges, two loaves of bread, and a magazine, all for less than 50 pence!
But you can't do that any more...
Not with all those CCTV cameras everywhere... :-D
My Mum could send me to the shop and I'd get a pound of sausages, six oranges, two loaves of bread, and a magazine, all for less than 50 pence!
But you can't do that any more...
Not with all those CCTV cameras everywhere... :-D
mix2000
Active member
Fred and Mary got married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they went
back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning,
Johnny, Fred's little brother, got up and had his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline, and I
think..I gave him my super glue. !!
back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning,
Johnny, Fred's little brother, got up and had his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline, and I
think..I gave him my super glue. !!
quest63
Active member
:-D :-D
mix2000
Active member
So....exchanged the bed for a trampoline today ...... the wife hit the roof.....
quest63
Active member
:-D :-D
mix2000
Active member
Two old fellas, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat half a loaf of rye bread every day.
It keeps your energy level high And you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?" He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to eating the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit except me."
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat half a loaf of rye bread every day.
It keeps your energy level high And you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?" He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to eating the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit except me."
mix2000
Active member
Do you think when a Jehovah's Witness dies.......God pretends not to be in??
quest63
Active member
:-D :-D
