Mick's di'stink'ly average joke thread... :)

[mix2000]

Baad joke
An Australian on holiday, is walking across the Kerry countryside when he spots a Kerry man in one of the fields, going hard at it with one of his sheep.
With no hesitation, the Australian jumps over the fence and walks over to the man, tapping him on the shoulder.

"G'day, You know mate, beck where I'm from, we shear those."

The Kerryman looks around frantically. "Feck off !" he says, "I'm not sharing this with no-one!"

 

[mix2000]

Q: What's the difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot?
..
..
..
A: A Kangaroo is a marsupial type animal, indigenous to Australia..... and a Kangaroot is what a drunk Geordie says when stuck in a revolving door.

 

[mix2000]

There's been a new addition to the Karma Sutra.

It's called the gas board position.

You stay in all day and nobody comes.

 

[Neil]

 

[quest63]

The electric company are the same! what are they called Tantricicity? :grin:

 

[evilrob]

I whipped open my trenchcoat and flashed a couple of old ladies in the park today. I felt awful when one of them had a stroke. Luckily, the other one couldn't quite reach.

 

[yippeekiay]

:tumble:

 

[mix2000]

I got my wife a vibrator for her birthday.
.
.
.
.
She's done nothing since then, but moan.

 

[quest63]

:grin:

Should have bought the batteries as well then :roll:

 

[mix2000]

jump leads :lol:

 

[mix2000]

Mixed feelings is when you see your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new Puma! :-D :-D :-D

 

[mix2000]

A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class were discussing animals.
And asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "Freeze, muthafukka!"

 

[mix2000]

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is... the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!

 

[quest63]

:grin: :grin:

 

[yippeekiay]

Ahhhh - I remember that one from a long time ago. Still as funny as ever :lol:

 

[Puma Babe]

when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof

I was shocked!!!!!

 

[BenF]

I used to go to origami classes...


but they folded....


I was creased up when I found out

 

[Puma Babe]

black jokes and mexican jokes are pretty much the same, when you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal

 

[quest63]

That :grin: ^
^
and that ^ :grin:

 

[mix2000]

:lol: :lol: