Pumadaddy
Member
Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy
marijuana, press the hash key..."
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
shorts. The shrink says: "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled
him in.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted: "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied:
"I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
I went to a seafood disco last week...... and pulled a muscle.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped
himself.
'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'.
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome''. ' Is it common? '. "It's not
unusual."
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball
stuck up my backside." "How's that?". "Don't you start."
Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom, boom!
I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can
you give me a lift?". I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your
oyster, go for it.'
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are
5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother
Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
The other one says: "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let
the other one off.
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking
Fine.' So that was nice."
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when
a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search
and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb as digging continues into the night.
marijuana, press the hash key..."
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
shorts. The shrink says: "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled
him in.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted: "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied:
"I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
I went to a seafood disco last week...... and pulled a muscle.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped
himself.
'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'.
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome''. ' Is it common? '. "It's not
unusual."
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball
stuck up my backside." "How's that?". "Don't you start."
Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom, boom!
I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can
you give me a lift?". I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your
oyster, go for it.'
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are
5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum
or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother
Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
The other one says: "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
acid and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let
the other one off.
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking
Fine.' So that was nice."
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when
a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search
and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb as digging continues into the night.
